Thank you for your email.

I will be traveling [to Palau and Yap to go diving with Superman, Kanga, and Roo] until February 16th, and it is likely that I will not have access to email or voicemail [and perhaps not even dependable electricity or running water] during this time. If your matter is not urgent, I will respond to your message as soon as I can after I get back.

For urgent matters relating to N----, please contact S----.
For urgent matters relating to C----, please contact H----.
For other urgent matters, please contact my manager, D----.

Thank you for your understanding,
Best,
[Troid]

***

YAY!!!!!!!!!

This week was crazy. I tried to wrap up as many deals as possible, then had to find babysitters for the deals that were still in progress, and babysitters for Fiver, as well. In addition to work, errands, and packing, I also had to pack up my entire office, because we are moving buildings while I'm gone. Gack.

No time now, as I'm still turning one last draft for one last deal, and then I'm going to shut down and get some sleep before beginning our epic voyage tomorrow. I have 80 pounds of gear, which is going to be really fun, since we have a total of seven flights this trip. I went to the gym nine times over the past 24 days (and you know how I hate the gym), to try to increase my heart and lung capacity a bit for the crazy currents and rough swimming we're going to have.

I can't complain, though, because it's going to be awesome.

See you in a couple weeks.

My mom, who often goes to China to tag along on my dad's business trips, recently told me that I have to go to Shanghai to check out the world expo that's going on there right now. She raved about the exhibits and said it was amazing.

I resisted, giving some random excuse along the lines of "I don't want to go to China. The people all smell funny, and the air is so polluted."

She replied, in all seriousness, "They can't help it, they're Communist."

Hahaha... It's an interesting place to visit -- I went there in 1996 -- but there are so many other places I want to go first, starting with Palau and Yap in a few weeks!!

Last year, I set out some goals for 2009:

• Sanity and stability -- mental, financial, and everything else ending in -al
• Find a place and buy it (gasp!)
• Plan a trip and take it (oh, how I miss my former life full of crazy travels)
• Move from adequacy to proficiency at my job

Not sure how I did on sanity and stability, other than financial stability, which has been an unexpected strong suit for me this year, and I decided not to buy a place. I did better on the the third point, though -- we planned and took trips to New York/Z/Spain and Hawaii, and although we weren't able to make it to Rangiroa, we did make an overnight trip up to Sonoma with Roo, and took a road trip out to Vegas. In less than four weeks, we're going to Palau and Yap (although I guess this shouldn't count towards 2009, since it's squarely in 2010).

And for the fourth point, I've gotten better at my job -- my annual performance review was really good, I'm on track for making the in-house equivalent of "partner" in 2011, and I've gotten various bonuses and pats on the back that have given me some reassurance that it wasn't a total fluke that I ended up here. My manager, who has been really supportive and has put a lot of faith in me, put me in charge of putting together and running a team of lawyers to deal with my most difficult client, which has been an extremely frustrating project, but there is the prospect of success on the horizon. I hope. It's also given me a chance to work with some of the people higher up in the department, including the GC, which is a good thing, as long as I do well.

2009 Highs:

• Getting better at my job
• Dolphins and mantas in Hawaii
• Catching up with friends (and having them meet Superman) in New York and Z
• Two of the most amazing meals of my life with Superman, Kanga, and Roo in Spain

2009 Lows:

• Canceling our trip to Rangiroa because of work
• Dealing with a very difficult client
• Getting really sick TWICE, both times on vacation (Hawaii and Vegas)
• Going back on meds

2009 Weird Moments:

• Not a particularly weird year, except for Vegas, which is just a weird place full of weird people

2010 Aspirations:

• Calm down
• Figure out what to do with my money other than spend it or let it pile up in a bank account
• Read at least 40 books (this should be doable, since I'm on Book #13 since I got a Kindle three months ago)
• Get really good at my job

Something I need to remember more often:

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things only hoped for.” --Epicurus

Work has been super busy -- Superman and I were on the verge of booking a dive trip to Rangiroa (in French Polynesia), but had to scrap it so that we can work if necessary. Rangiroa doesn't have reliable electricity in many of the hotels, so we figured internet was going to be hard to come by. I was totally bummed out, but we'll probably take a road trip if we have time, and that's just how work is -- I'm lucky it hasn't happened like that more often. I'm just not used to it.

I've gotten to do more work with clients other than my least favorite client lately, and I've been working on deals and projects that (in my opinion) are more valuable, so that has helped my outlook a lot. In fact, on Friday, at the end of the day (which I should note included our department lunch and a really cool new toy), Superman commented that I was very "jolly," and asked me why. I noted the lunch and the toy, and he said that it seemed to go beyond that. I thought about it some more, and realized that it was the first work day in over a month during which I had had zero meaningful contact with my least favorite client. That's how much they affect my mood. On days when I do have to deal with them, I become much crankier.

What else... Our department got Goodwill to set up a bunch of bins at the office so that we could bring in stuff to donate, which was great, because I had sorted out a bunch of clothes to donate last year, but had never gotten around to bringing them to Goodwill for donation. In order to get a receipt for tax purposes, I had to itemize everything I was donating. I tallied it up, and there were 94 things. This disturbed me very much, because it was so close to 100, but it wasn't 100. Then I realized that there were six pairs of shoes, and so I thought, "OK, if I count individual shoes, then it would be 100 things," and that was better. But then I thought, "Wait, if I'm counting individual items, then the remote for the DVD player would be another piece, so it would be 101." And so I was once again annoyed. So I rooted around until I found six more things to donate, so that there were 100 things, as long as you count each pair of shoes (and the DVD player plus remote) as one item. Then I went to sleep before I could find something else and throw the numbers off again. Yes, I'm lame, but at least I'm lame in the name of charity!!

Today, Superman and I went up to the city for a cooking class, where we learned some Italian comfort food recipes and techniques. It was fun, and we liked the school enough that we're thinking of finding a class that spans more than one day. There were eleven students at the class today, and we spent three hours making eleven dishes. The kitchen had three stoves, six ovens, tons of counter space, a seemingly unlimited supply of pots, pans, cutting boards, measuring cups and spoons, knives, bowls, and other cooking implements, and a person who washed all of our dirty stuff as soon as we dirtied it. So now I know how to make an amazing spread for a dinner party -- get a professional kitchen, lots of cooks, and a person who spends the whole time washing dishes.

And now, because I am feeling lazy and have a fun new toy to play with, I'm going to put one of my go-to recipes here, instead. I first had this when I was in Chile on a singing tour in between college and law school, in 2000. I asked for the recipe, and I make it every winter. I often double the recipe and have friends over, and freeze any leftovers in small portions for later. It's easy, filling, and yummy -- the chorizo is the key.

Lentil Stew
Serves 6

List #1
1.5 cups chopped leeks
1.5 cups chopped carrots
3 cloves garlic, minced
1.5 tbsp oil

List #2
1.5 cups dry lentils, rinsed
3/8 cup rice, washed
7.5 cups broth of your choice
11.25 oz canned tomatoes
1.5 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
3/4 tsp dried thyme
3/8 tsp ground cumin
1 bay leaf

Other ingredients:
1.5 cups chopped celery
1/2 lb. sliced chorizo
minced parsley

Directions:

1. Cook all ingredients on list #1 in the oil until soft
2. Add all the ingredients on list #2, cover and simmer for about 15 minutes
3. Add celery and simmer about 20 minutes, until lentils are tender
4. Remove bay leaf
5. Add chorizo (already cooked)
6. Garnish with parsley and serve

I mentioned in passing that the last entry was written from the office, the day after Thanksgiving. It was completely empty, except for me. I actually like going into the office on weekends and holidays, because I think I get more work done when I have absolute quiet and isolation. That said, I would still like to have the same number of days off -- in an ideal world, I would take two days off per week, plus the same number of holidays and vacation days, but I would just take them off at different times than everyone else. I would also start and end the day later than everyone else. I'm just not designed to be a Monday-to-Friday, normal business hours kind of person.

I resolved to start doing more things outside of my comfort zone. I figured I should document some of the new things I've tried recently. They weren't particularly uncomfortable, but they were new, and I need to remind myself that I'm not becoming another suburban robot of habit.

Recent new things I've tried (other than blogging more often -- I've stepped up my game lately):

(1) Jujubes (the fruit, not the candy)
(2) Cherimoyas
(3) Truffled lobster risotto -- we made this for friends on Sunday, and tinkered with the recipe to suit our tastes.

In case you're interested in the recipe we ended up with:

Truffled Lobster Risotto
Serves 5-6 people as main dish

• ~6 pounds of lobster, steamed, in shells
• ~7 cups low-salt chicken broth (make this ahead of time)
• ~6 tablespoons white or black truffle oil
• 1.5 cups chopped shiitake mushrooms (stems removed)
• 1/2 cup chopped shallots
• 2 cups arborio rice
• 1/2 cup brandy
• 2/3 cup whipping cream
• 2/3 cup chopped fresh chives
• Fresh arugula, washed
• Salt, pepper, parmesan cheese
• Olive oil

Remove lobster meat from shells; reserve shells. Cut meat into 1/2-inch pieces, set aside. Pack shells into a pot with 2 cups of chicken broth, plus enough water to cover; boil for 60-90 minutes, or until water is reduced to half of its volume. Strain and reserve lobster broth; discard shells.

Bring 5 cups chicken broth to simmer; keep hot.

Heat 2 tbsp oil in heavy large saucepan over medium heat. Add mushrooms and shallots; sauté 3 minutes.
Add rice; stir 3 minutes. Add brandy; reduce heat to medium-low. Simmer until brandy is absorbed, stirring constantly, about 3 minutes.

Add 2 cups of lobster broth (you can freeze the extra for another time), stirring constantly until liquid is absorbed. Add chicken broth 1/4 cup at a time, stirring often, and simmer until rice is just tender and mixture is creamy. (This may take up to 45 minutes, and you may not need to use all of the chicken broth).

Add most of the lobster and all of the cream; stir until heated through. Remove from heat. Stir in truffle oil and chives. Season with salt and pepper.

To serve, top with arugula, freshly grated parmesan cheese, and a few more pieces of lobster.

Happy Thanksgiving (a day late) -- I went to my sister's and spent it with her family and a bunch of their doctor-type friends (and learned more than I ever thought I would about circumcisions). My brother-in-law is an excellent cook, and my sister follows in my mother's footsteps when calculating how much food is necessary to properly feed her guests, so I was able to bring a few slices of prime rib, some turkey, and all of the fixings back with me. Superman went to his family's place in Boston, and I'm picking him up from the airport tonight.

I met a couple of friends for lunch in the city today, and now I'm in the office (which is a total ghost town) for a few hours, trying to sneak some work in to get caught up before the frenzy picks up again next week.

Anyways, I just wanted to tell this story to you, since I've been telling it to everyone else.

My parents have lived in the States for a little over 40 years now. Their English is very good, but they still get tripped up by some vocabulary, grammar, or spelling issues, which can cause for some confusion and hilarity from time to time.

Most recently, last weekend, my parents were in town on their way back from a trip to China, and they had my sister's family, me, and Superman over for dinner. My parents really like Superman, and go to great lengths to make it clear to both me and him that they heartily approve of our relationship. Sometimes, those lengths are unintentionally great.

As we were all saying our goodbyes for the evenings, I was putting on my shoes, and my mom was having a quick goodbye chat with Superman, saying all the standard "Thank you for coming, it was great to see you, I wish we had had longer to hang out" type things. Then, she said, "Oh, it was so busy, and we weren't sitting together at dinner, so I didn't get a chance to grind you." Superman desperately tried to keep a straight face while I snorted at my shoes. We think she meant "grill," not "grind," and that she was trying to be funny, as in, "Oh if we'd had more time, I would have grilled you and given you the third degree," rather than "Man, I wanted to get all skanky on the dance floor with you."

While my mom was unintentionally macking on my boyfriend, my dad was saying goodbye to Superman's dog. Part of my strategy the first time I introduced Superman to my parents last year was to bring Superman's dog, because I knew my dad would love him. Despite the fact that Superman's dog spent the better part of two hours ferociously trying to hump another dog, my dad was completely smitten. My dad loves Superman's dog, and loves him so much that he asks about him all the time. So this time, as he was saying goodbye to the dog, he was making standard doggie-chatter, "Who's a good boy? You're such a good boy! Good boy!" which then took an unexpected turn toward, "Do you want to come in me?" I'm assuming that he meant "home with," and not "in." I'm hoping so, anyways.

Superman now jokes that I have the kinkiest parents in the world. After what my mom gave me a couple of Christmases ago, I can't really argue otherwise.

It seems like everyone is posting things to be thankful for on Xanga and Facebook. 'Tis the season to be thankful.

I have lots of things to be thankful for, and I really should remind myself of them, since I've been particularly frustrated at work for the past few weeks. I've been working hard, which isn't a bad thing -- it's just that I happen to be doing all this hard work for my least favorite client (the Legal department calls all of the groups we work with "clients," even though we all work for the same company). Hard work becomes even harder when it's with difficult people and projects of questionable merit. What is it about people who work in marketing that raises my blood pressure so much? Even just the mention of their group gets me riled up. I think it's their lack of logic, their inability to communicate in full sentences, their refusal to acknowledge reasonable time lines, and their UTTER STUPIDITY. People joke about reincarnation, that if you live your life badly, you'll come back as a lower form of life, like a worm or a paramecium. I think you'd come back as a marketing person.

There I go again.

Calm down.

Breathe.

Be thankful.

Things to be thankful for, roughly sorted by "area of life," but not really ranked:

(1) In stark contrast to the utter stupidity and insanity of the marketing people, my coworkers are smart, funny, nice people who are interesting to talk to, fun to hang out with, and willing to add on to their workloads to lighten mine. They really are amazing.

(2) The company is just an awesome place to be. It would be even more awesome without those marketing people. But even with them, it's awesome. They love their employees, treat us right, and protect us from the harsh economic realities out there. Lobster and filet mignon have started making more frequent appearances on the menus again, economy be damned.

(3) My family is all kinds of crazy, but all kinds of supportive, too. My parents don't always understand me, but they are getting better at accepting me. Mostly. My sister usually understands me, and has been really instrumental in helping my parents to accept me.

(4) Superman is super. He knows me better than anyone I've ever dated, he is able to manage me, and still somehow loves me. He's going to see his family tomorrow night, and will be gone for four days. I'm actually a little bit excited, because it will give me a chance to miss him while he's gone.

(5) My dog has put up with over seven years of endless torment and pestering from me, and still gets excited every time he sees me when I come out of my room in the morning.

(6) I have good friends all over the place, which is both a blessing and a curse. It means that I don't get to see all of my friends as often as I'd like, but it also means that wherever I'm traveling, chances are pretty good that I can see someone I know, and whatever time of day it is, chances are pretty good that if I really need to talk to someone, I can probably call someone in a time zone where it isn't too big of an imposition.

It's hard to leave a list at six. Not really a great number. But I'm going to do it. One of the reasons I'm going to do it has to do with this next section.

I'm feel like I'm always running behind on things I should get around to doing, so for once, I'm going to get something done before everyone else does. I'm going to get some New Year's resolutions out there, even though New Year's is over a month away. I can make more later, but at least I have some to think about now. If I'm really good, I can even beat everyone else at breaking my resolutions -- I could break mine before anyone else even makes theirs.

(1) Step outside my comfort zone and do things differently sometimes. (See? Leaving the previous list at six items goes with this.)

(2) Wear something other than my sweater/t-shirt/jeans/sneakers uniform once a week. (To clarify: I can still wear jeans on that day, or sneakers, or a sweater, or a t-shirt, just not all four at once.)

(3) Be a little less of a slob when I'm in my apartment. (Stretchy pants count as a step up from men's pajama bottoms.)

(4) Sleep without Ambien once a week. (This is a tough one for me. I've managed it twice in the last two weeks, but both times, I've had terrible nightmares, bad sleep, and a vicious headache in the morning.)

(5) Do things my way if it makes me happier. (I'm ending this list at five items.)

When I was little, I was dressed partly based on what my parents thought would be "cute" and economical, and partly based on whatever my sister (five years older) and my cousins (up to a dozen years older) handed down. It wasn't pretty -- think bell-bottoms well after they were popular and before they made a comeback, a jumper with a giraffe on it, a red plaid vest and kilt that had a NASA patch.

In junior high and high school, I started having more control over my style, and looking back, I'm not sure that the results were much better. Lots of baggy sweaters, wrinkled shirts (I've never been a neat person), and, it pains me to say this, I regularly wore white flats. My excuse is that I went to private school, we had a dress code, and I was just clueless.

College was college. Rolling into class still wearing my pajama shirt. Sweatshirts. Flannel shirts. Down parkas. It was Boston, I was a student, and it got cold in the winter.

New York is the only place where I think I kind of had the whole fashion thing kind of worked out for a while. I shopped obsessively, both for recreation and stress relief. The whole city dresses carefully, and I finally managed to keep up, to some extent. I had business casual clothes for work, clothes for hanging out in Central Park, clothes for diners, dive bars, dancing, cocktail parties. I may be remembering myself too kindly, but I think I actually did all right for a while.

Then I moved to Z-town, and the local fashion was just so out there (think 80's high school gone even more wrong than it already sounds), so expensive (and who wants to spend $500 an outfit to look like a bad aerobics aficionado), and so impractical (high heels on cobblestones, huge earrings, miniskirts in the winter), that I just decided to adopt a self-imposed semi-uniform. In cold weather -- pants, long-sleeved shirts, cashmere sweaters. In hot weather -- skirts and tank tops. Easy. Nothing to look at twice for high fashion or fashion faux pas.

Coming to California has continued my downward march from my New York personal best. My office is even more casual than my office in Z-town, and I'm the kind of person who, if you tell me I can wear jeans and sneakers, I'm going to wear jeans and sneakers. Why plan outfits with uncomfortable shoes if you can wear jeans, sneakers, and t-shirts to work every day? It's my new uniform. I try to wear cool sneakers, decent-fitting jeans, and funny t-shirts, but that's about the extent of my wardrobe styling these days.

At home on the weekends, I wear my pajamas all day. Sometimes all day for two days. I've always done this, but for some reason, lately, this has been making me feel particularly slobby and out of touch. I think it's partly because of my daily t-shirt and jeans regimen, and partly because my TiVo has started picking up What Not to Wear, in which the show attacks unsuspecting women and throws away all of their stuff, replacing them with Outfits and Accessories and Shoes and Tailored Details. They don't even dress them that well -- but I just pay so little attention to what I wear now that it's a little bit embarrassing by comparison, nonetheless.

In an attempt to feel a little bit less slobby when I sit on the couch and watch TV, and to take advantage of a 30% off discount from Gap, I bought a couple of pairs of yoga pants (not as baggy and frumpy as the men's PJs I usually wear). And then I realized that I actually attempted to *improve* my appearance by buying elastic-waisted pants.

Yeah. It's pretty bad.

It's been a while, but I have many excuses. I will offer a few of them to you, and then get on with the blog:

(1) Work has been busy -- I do most of the agreements that have to do with our browser, blogging site, RSS reader, 3D software, GPS, music and content that isn't related to our video site, as well as a few things that are in development. Sometimes it's not so busy, but if a few things get busy at the same time, or if one gets very busy, it can get kind of hairy. Especially if the next two points are true.

(2) I've been sick. This is Day 20 of the Illness I'm Stubbornly Insisting Isn't Swine Flu. I was sick for a week before leaving for Hawaii, I was sick while I was there, and I've been sick since getting back Tuesday morning. This means that I have been missing work or working from home a lot, and when I'm at work, I'm working pretty hard at not coughing on people.

(3) I was on vacation. This is my favorite excuse, because it's the funnest one. Superman and I went to Hawaii for nine days, which meant that we were scrambling to get things done in advance, scrambling to get caught up afterwards, and scrambling to get some work done while we were there. In between all the scrambling, however, it was awesome. Vacation, by definition, means awesome. Look it up. I love vacation.

So those were my main excuses. (Also, I'm lazy.)

On to the blog.

First, despite my whining about being busy and being sick, I have to say that I still love my job and I still love my company. It's been a year and a half, and the place still blows me away. They really care about the employees, and they really try to do the right thing for us. In return, the employees really love the company, and we try to do good work. Everyone wins.

The Friday before Superman and I left on vacation, we went to the weekly company-wide happy hour. There were rumors that someone famous was coming, and when those rumors are going around, it means either (a) that someone famous is coming, or (b) they're going to do something else that is equally cool. So we showed up, and the special guest was a cash bonus. Literally cash, in an envelope, the way Mom and Dad used to give it to you. 

Just in time for vacation. I ran to the bank to put it away, because I'm not used to having that much cash. It was awesome of the company to do that, but what I liked most about it was watching them do the announcement. The top management had staged this whole super-boring presentation to make the announcement more exciting, and they were all so giddy once it happened, handing out cash to everyone around them. They were as happy as kindergartners at Christmas, except that they were getting their thrills from giving away millions of dollars in cash. They were as adorable as billionaires can be, which is surprisingly adorable.

So then we went to Hawaii (Kona).

This was the resort where we stayed:

It was nice. Nicer than the places I usually stay, when the choice is left up to me, but Superman has fancier hotel tastes than I do, and it's actually kind of a secret relief -- I can't convince myself to choose nice places, but if someone I am with insists on it, I can deal with the extra expense, because someone else is "responsible" for incurring it, and I enjoy the extra amenities.  

There were two main reasons for going to Hawaii:

(1) It was right around our anniversary. (Do you know how long it's been since I've liked someone long enough to say "Happy Anniversary" to them? It's more impressive than it should be, but I'm still kind of proud.)

Happy anniversary to us

(2) Diving -- Hawaii is the closest warm water diving, and I was getting pretty dive-starved. And Superman needed to get certified.

This is what the dive boat looked like from the water:

I didn't bother taking my big camera on this trip, and only took the small camera on three out of eight dives. My mistake. On one of the camera-free dives, we crossed paths with a pod of about 100 dolphins -- in over 200 dives, this was the first time I ever was lucky enough to be underwater with dolphins. On one of the other camera-free dives, it was nighttime, and we hung out with about ten manta rays (some of them over fifteen feet across, and weighing about one ton each) as they fed on the plankton attracted by our lights. They came close enough that we had to duck (Superman got hit on the head by one), and resist getting swept up in the vortex they created in passing. Two of the best dives I've ever been on, and I don't have a single picture to remember them by. (That may have been one of the most Asian sentiments I've ever expressed.)

I did take a bunch of pictures of Superman, much like anxious, proud parents take pictures of their children's first steps. One example:

I also took a few pictures of the stuff we saw, other than the unphotographed dolphins and mantas (I'm still annoyed at myself about these two missed photo ops, although I have to admit that I probably enjoyed the experiences more, and actually experienced them more, because I wasn't fumbling with a camera). 

The water generally pretty clear, so visibility was  quite good, even from the bottom.

There were some beautiful swim-throughs. For some reason, I feel more peaceful while doing a swim-through than almost any other time, above or below water.

This guy was about as long as the palm of my hand, and very well camouflaged.

We saw two octopi on a dive, both hiding -- they don't really come out during the day.

Superman had a very lucky first dive trip -- eight dives, and he got to see most of the "must-sees," including this white-tipped reef shark.

And a turtle.

And eels.

He didn't really pay much attention to one of my main fascinations, nudibranchs (but in all fairness, most new divers are more interested in a five foot shark than a slug that is shorter than your finger):

This guy was about an inch long.

This guy was only about as long as my fingernail.

These guys were five or six feet long -- there really is no way to look good in dive gear...

We had four dive days, and spent the rest of the time loafing around the resort. They made an amazingly good ginger ale from scratch (which we tried to replicate today), which I drank liters of (I love ginger ale, this stuff was especially good, the sun was hot, and I was sick, so I avoided alcohol) while reading on the Kindle that my sister gave to me for my birthday (on a side note, Kindle is a pretty awesome combination of two obsessions -- books and gadgets -- love it). Spent time in the steam room and lounging by the pool. It was probably the laziest vacation (other than the diving and sporadic work) that I've had in ages.

Surfer with a paddle behind our hotel

Good news is that Superman liked diving and was pretty good at it -- he is very fit and very conscious when learning new things, so he is picking it up quickly. He liked it enough that he suggested doing a big dive trip either over Christmas or in February, when we're thinking of doing a trip somewhere with Kanga and Roo, depending on whether Kanga and Roo want to go diving. (Kanga? What do you think?) For our next dive trip, we're thinking Palau, Fiji, Komodo, or Borneo. For our next land-based trip, we're interested in India or Africa. Did I mention that I love vacation?

We got back on Tuesday and dove straight back into work. I was sick all week, so it was a bit of a struggle to go back to work (instead of the pool) and maintain focus through the coughing. I'm staying in all weekend in an attempt to force a recovery. I bought candy on the off-chance that anyone would come trick-or treating, but am just eating it myself, so I hope no one comes.

Random ghost in a Hawaiian plaza -- Happy Halloween!

In other news, I was flu-sick and seasick for the past few weeks, so I just couldn't stomach (haha) the idea of adding on the nausea from my meds, so I went off of them, for now. As soon as I get my health back, I'll start taking them again, and just hope that the vacation high tides me over till then. I was considering not going back on them, but Superman urged caution, and says I should take them for a while longer. If he can handle the whining and complaining, I suppose I can handle the nausea and dizziness.

I'd better be feeling better by Monday. I've got lots of work to do, and (perhaps just as importantly) one of the cafes at work is doing Thomas Keller (of French Laundry and Per Se fame) recipes all week. I missed lobster and prime rib in our building cafe yesterday because I was sick. Superman and I made up for it a bit by going to the local Asian store today and buying three freshly steamed lobsters. Yum.

I don't think the trick-or-treaters are coming, and I'm pretending that Starburst and sitting still help to reduce coughing, so I'm going to retire to my bed to eat their candy and read my Kindle. Nobody parties like I party.

They say that it's the little things in life that make all the difference.

In this case, the little things are pills. Anti-depressants work, and I can never decide if that's depressing or not. On one hand, it means that I can basically wave a magic wand (well, it takes a few weeks of waving before anything happens), and at least some of my troubles go away. On the other hand, it also means that there is some part of my brain (and a large part of my life) that is completely out of my control -- I find it somewhat insulting that when this part of my brain kicks in, there is absolutely nothing I can do on my own to fix it, but if I take these pills and sit around and wait, it flips a switch that I can't get to on my own. I really hate that. And then there are the side effects. Nothing like having unbearable depression lift so that nearly unbearable nausea and insomnia can take over, instead.

In any case, at least it's making a difference.

Superman has been amazing. He put up with the random rage and despair before, and he puts up with the nausea and whining now. He noticed that I'm happier when I have friends and plans, so he (who is not the planning type) suggests movies, dinners, and other activities with people, takes extra time to spend with me alone, and booked a trip to Hawaii so that I can finally get him diving. He realized that I feel sicker on the weekends because we aren't at work, so I'm not eating as regularly, so he goes and gets groceries and makes me breakfast.

My perspective has improved enough that I'm laughing at inappropriate things again -- we spent a good 20 minutes the other night looking through the San Jose phone book for unfortunate names. Seriously, if your last name is Buttz, why would you name your son Richard?

***

Roo was in town a few weeks ago, and it was good to see him and really catch up -- we had a few looong conversations, and really dissected what we're trying to get out of our lives, and what we see in our futures. One thing that kept coming up was the topic of children. I'm not really a "kid person." I don't enjoy kids very much, unless it's in small doses, the children are well-behaved, and I'm closely related to them. I make a better aunt than I would a parent, and I recognize that. I'm better off if I don't have kids, and kids are better off not having me as a parent. Most people do end up having kids, though, and Roo will be one of them. We had a really lengthy discussion about children, in which Roo tried to convince me that maybe I should have kids, and I think it's the first time I've really tried to articulate all at one time my reasoning for not wanting children. It didn't change my mind at all, but it gave me more clarity about why I feel the way I feel. It was useful just to organize my thoughts and opinions and say them all together. I'll have to write it all out here soon.

Roo happened to be in town for Superman's birthday, so he came out for drinks and then to a fancy birthday dinner at Cyrus -- it was the best meal I've had in the U.S., better than Jean-Georges or Le Bernardin in New York, Manresa or Michael Mina in the Bay Area.

***

Work is going well. We had a department off-site to go to Monterey for three days last week, and the legal teams from our New York and DC offices flew in, as well. It was everything you'd expect a legal department event to be -- a lot of alcohol and food, some bleary-eyed seminars and presentations, and more alcohol and food. Given the company we work for, there was also schwag (gym bags, water bottles, Rubik's cubes, and other little toys), a Rock Band competition, a pie-eating contest, lots of dancing, glow necklaces, s'mores, bonfires, an 80's cover band, and people getting thrown in the pool of the private suite the head of the department was staying in. It was actually a ton of fun, which was surprising -- I don't really expect official work events to be fun, but it was awesome.

One of the things that I thought about while on the retreat was the fact that there are a significant number of people in the company (and in my department) who are rich enough that they really don't need to work anymore (lucky pre-IPO bastards). They stay, anyways, because they like it here, and I find it really comforting -- money is basically meaningless to them at this point, but they still come to work every day because they like the people they work with, the work they do, and the company they work for.

***

After the off-site was over, Superman and I slept in (we managed to do some room-swapping and ended up sharing a room at the off-site), then went to the Monterey Aquarium. We spent a few hours there, and I told him things about fish that he didn't know, and it was just a perfect date -- something different than we usually do, farther away than we usually go, and with the added bonus of being during a work day, so it felt like stolen time. It got me really psyched for our trip to Hawaii, which is less than three weeks away. Hawaii will be an anniversary trip -- our one year is in less than a month. Crazy, how time has flown by.

2FX asked me how we were doing, and I said we're doing well, in part because Superman understands me and is good at managing me. I've come to believe that a good relationship involves good management -- each person needs to learn the other's weaknesses and figure out how to manage them so that they aren't a problem, but do so in a way that the other person doesn't feel like they are being managed. Superman is good at that. I'm not an easy person to manage.

***

This song has been stuck in my head ever since I watched the latest episode of Glee (which is the only one that has lived up to the pilot). The scene with the football team? Classic.