August 28, 2009
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quick, hurry, before they get m--
Just a quick post with a few random things.
(1) Another spin on the merry-go-round. I'm back on meds for now, at a very low dose, and supposedly a kind that has super-low side effects, and ostensibly more for anxiety than for depression. My "super-low side effects" include severe nausea and frequent dry heaves, and really bad sleep problems, even with sleeping pills. This is one of the main reasons why I hate meds. Hopefully short run, because it's more for anxiety than depression (or at least that's how my shrink is framing it), and I'm hoping my anxiety-inducing circumstances will change soon, so that there won't be as much anxiety.
(2) Big launch for one of my products coming up on Tuesday, which has meant lots of deals have been going on and now (four days before launch), people are finally panicking and asking why they aren't all signed and closed already? Um, one of them just started negotiations yesterday, but OK, I'll work over the weekend to get your launch done in time. And then I can go back to all the other products that I've been putting off, but which also have launches coming up soon. Sometimes I love my job, but sometimes I don't think my job loves me.
(3) The longer I live in California, the more I miss New York.
(4) I've never been an early riser, but when I do wake up, I was always able to just get up and get out of bed without lounging around. I often did lounge around, but for fun, not out of necessity. Lately, when I wake up (and I very rarely set an alarm, so I'm waking up naturally), it's nearly impossible to get out of bed without spending at least 20 minutes psyching myself up to do so. And then sometimes I get so exhausted that I sneak in a nap in the middle of the day. Or I'm able to get up, but the prospect of putting on my public face seems so distasteful that I work from home, instead, so that I can still get things done without having to look at people (people that I actually like) and ask them how they're doing. It's odd, sometimes, but the hardest part of working is not always the work itself. Depending on my mood, sometimes the act of steeling myself to be part of the normal world is much more daunting than the prospect of having to close too many deals in too little time.
(5) Weight and body image are funny things. I'm 5'6", and I have pretty much zero control over my weight, although it's a number I watch with mild, intermittent interest. Working out, eating healthily, not working out, eating junk, not eating, sleeping more, not sleeping, nothing really seems to influence my weight with any consistency, and yet my weight can be anywhere from 103 pounds to 124 pounds. I'm at 114 now, but I think I actually feel fatter than I did when I hit 124 a few years back. I didn't think I was any thinner than usual when I was 103, until my pants started falling off. It's sort of odd, because it makes me realize that my weight can vary by 20 pounds, and I really have no idea why it's doing so, and I don't really see that it's happening, except for when I step on a scale. Our perceptions of ourselves are so unreliable. If I can't even see what I look like physically, even with the help of mirrors, photos, and scales, how am I ever supposed to figure anything out that actually matters?
Comments (4)
@ 4 : i hear you; i wish i did a better job being ready for my public errands. it really is a struggle for me sometimes. i suppose that's the way it is for some people.
keep up the good work over there at the job =)
Sometimes I wake up fifteen minutes before my alarm is set to go off (get up at the same time every day over the course of some weeks and that tends to happen, I guess), and it's excruciating trying to get a little snooze in when I know the clock is about to start screaming. I guess I have the opposite problem, since I'm more terrified about missing my wake up call than actually getting up in time to start my day. Good luck finishing your work!
...and body image is one of those things that will be a struggle until one just gives up on it and lets time take it's toll. for a little bit, i let myself go but nowadays I'm managing. it's goes from one end of the spectrum to another for me, but on the whole i watch my physical appearance for a purpose.
i'm reminded of the twighlight zone episode where an old man who liked to read and read and read survives a nuclear holocaust and suddenly has all the time in the world to read his books.
i feel the same way, except i would head over to the nearest grocery store and gorge.
I always wake up before teh alarm clock starts yelling at me. And once I am in stress it is even worse, I wake up loong time before due time. I hate this and get annoyed which of course pumps teh adrenalin into teh body which makes me being fully awake getting more angry.... Argh.... the circle of evil.
did I mention that I want your job - well not yours but somethign like that since it sounds more than interesting... But working from home? I would be sooooo distracted....
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