February 3, 2009

• lion tamer

  My dog is ridiculous.

  He is partly Chihuahua, so he gets cold and shivers easily. His best friend in New York was an elderly yellow Lab named Henry. Henry sat around doing nothing most of the time, and was very tolerant of my dog, who would sit on him to stay warm — his butt would be on Henry’s butt, and his front feet would be on the floor.

  Fivey never found another dog quite like Henry, and Henry died while we were living abroad. The big dogs he has met since then (and he prefers big dogs) have shown no inclination to let him sit on them.

  Superman’s dog (Superdog) is a big dog. He is definitely not as old or calm as Henry was. But we’ve spent a fair amount of time with him, and my dog has shown increasing interest in making Superdog the new Henry. A couple weeks ago, Superman and I were eating breakfast in the kitchen (bacon! pancakes! omelets with prosciutto, parmesan, and truffle oil!), and the two dogs were slinking around, pretending not to beg for food while sniffing each other.

  Superdog gave up and flopped on the floor, and my little dork of a dog walked over to him and sat next to him. Then scooted closer. And closer. It was very “high school boy trying to put smooth moves on his crush.” Finally, they were touching, and Superdog still seemed OK. This was too exciting, so my dog started fidgeting and wiggling and sniffing, which annoyed Superdog so much that he got up, walked a few feet away, and flopped back down. Repeat this a few times, and finally Superdog gave up on his quiet time, and started rolling around on his back, trying to self-back-scratch.

  As he was doing this, his mouth was agape, and his tongue was lolling out (if you have a dog, you know what I’m talking about). He continued this for a few seconds, and my dog watched him in a measuring way, then ran over, and without any warning or explanation, shoved his head into Superdog’s mouth, lion tamer-style. Superman and I were as surprised as Superdog, perhaps more, and we started laughing. Fivey pulled his head out of Superdog’s mouth, paused for a second to look around, then shoved his head back in. At this point, Superman and I were wishing we had a video camera, and Superdog was wishing that he hadn’t opened his mouth. Superdog tried to turn his head or pull back, and in the process, his mouth must have closed a bit. Fives let out an indignant yelp, yanked his head back, then looked at me, as if to say, “Did you see that??? Outrageous! DO something about it!!!” What a dork.

  Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the one, the only, the fearless lion tamer:

  

  • 10:32 pm
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